Sometimes what you're looking for is closer than you think

What's happened since i last blogged?
Dustin has been tamed to eat from chopsticks
i got another speeding fine (i better not say how many i've got or how many points i have left)
my relatives came over, now there's 8 ppl living in my house, its noisy
my lil boy stinky is growing up! he's finished school, getting his license, applying for uni etc. sniff
i went to the royal show on monday night and got pink fluffy bunny ears
went to fremantle yesterday to do door knock surveys (yuk yuk!)
went to club 180 last night and had a great time
nearly ran over a kid on a bike today :( but he's ok, my car is scratched, (even more so)

The word of the week has been Evangalism. Pastor G spoke about it on Sunday, we talked about it in Culture group on Tuesday, and i went around uni doing it on thursday. Lately God has been giving me many opportunities to tell his word to ppl and invite friends to church. i just hope i'll let him use me to my fullest potential. Going around uni and listening to friends and people around you talking about their (mis)conceptions of Christianity and what they believe in, it really does sadden me. I know a saviour in Lord Jesus Christ who is full of unconditional love for every single person and I want to introduce every single person I meet to him.
On thursday i was going around uni surveying ppl about their beliefs, eg. do they believe in God, whats this God like, who do they think Jesus is, is God relevant to their everyday life etc. (cant remember all the Q's, there were only 7) and it surprised me how so many ppl were completely off the mark. what i found was that most ppl believed in a God, but that's it. that's as far as it goes. and what really irked me was that most ppl thought God was "an impersonal force".

On a sadder note a guy at kung fu got his car stolen. it was parked right outside the school in a well lit area so when u poke your head out the door u can see it straight away. to make it worse it was actually his mate's car, and to top it off, his dog was in there. and that wasn't all that happened to him, earlier that day his car caught on fire so he borrowed his mate's car, then he was involved in a car accident and was late for kung fu, then his mates car got stolen with his dog in it. the look on his face was really, um, i can't think of the word for it, but it was like he was about to cry.

haven't been blogging for a while cos of no access to the net and lots of work to do. haven't been talking care of myself. eating up to 5 chocolate bars a day :S i get next week off uni so i'll be back on track then.
octopus update: still hiding

MY Baby Octopus!!!

Finally i got a pic of my octopus to post on here! its not a very good photo cos Dustin's a lil shy as he is still young and doesn't know how to pose for pics, he's all curled up here. Marian named him "Dustin" because it means "fighter" or "strength", which suits him because he's survived through so much and he's all alive still.  can't wait to start teaching him to open bottles and play with lego, they're smart lil buggers.

Here's an email my mum's cousin sent me when i told her i got an octopus. She's a passionate Christian lawyer in Singapore with a twisted, cynical, sarcastic sense of humour which i love:

how creepy. does it glow in dark and spew ink in the water killing off all the rest of the inhabitants in the tank like the friendly creature it is known to be? you becoming a creepo keeping such an ugly thing like this ink-squirt ? you one of those weird ones who go around campus wearing thick black eye liner and long black dresses looking like a member of Adams Family?

 

i think your bambi belongs in a sushi restaurant. 

 

from your loving aunt

*muah*

sick, got it from my sister. sharing is caring

Lately i've been sick and staying in bed, and i have a load of uni work to do so i won't be blogging for a while.
Today we had our first home open. I guess its confirmed we're moving.
At church we had a brillilant speaker called J john from the uk. unfortunately i only stayed for the first service and had work after, but i ended up leaving work early to go home and sleep cos i didn't feel to well. dinner calls...

Oh where oh where did my contact lens go? Oh where oh where can it be?

I’m typing these posts on my mum’s laptop in my lil Bentley unit and will post them online the next day at uni. I was just about to go to sleep, I had turned off the laptop and everything but I had to come back on to type up this post. I have these contact lenses that I wear at night when I sleep. Each night before bed I put them on and while I’m sleeping they do something to my eyes so when I wake up and take them off the next day I can see clearly. Tonight the cap on one of the lenses was so tight when I tried to take it off I ended up flipping its contents on the other side of the bathroom and dropping the rest of the case in the sink. Admin the contents were some liquid and my right contact lens. I couldn’t find the lens in the sink, or anywhere near where the liquid was spilt. Also, it wasn’t helpful that our bathroom mats are purple and my lens is purple too. Throughout the whole time I was searching something kept telling me “stop searching, pray, and ask God where it is.” And I kept thinking “no its ok I’ll find it,” which I did not. Finally after a minute or two I got on my knees on a bathroom mat on the opposite side of the room where the liquid was split, (which was where I expected it to be found), and I prayed. I told God I was going to have faith in him and asked him to show me where my lens was (a replacement lens costs nearly $400 so I was pretty desperate). I then thanked him in advance for helping me find my lens. As soon as I said amen and opened my eyes I looked at the mat I was kneeling on. It was very unlikely that the lens would be on it. But I looked to my right and sure enough it was right next to me. It stood out and was made very clear. I then prayed again thanking God for showing me I can trust in him and have faith in him, even in the little things. Thanking him for being with me. He really is amazing.

I’m a tiger, hear me roar

Tonight was the first time in kung fu I sparred some guys. Usually I spar with my good friend (who’s a girl) and we full on go at it and bash each other up, but with the guys it was different. I guess because it was my first time I was a bit shy so I wasn’t going full on into it. Then Marco, the guy who was taking my class, (the one Hwin described as “he has a lot of meat on him,” hahaha Hwin you’re so funny) told me not to hold back (and at one point “be a tiger”). It was then at that point, after he said “don’t hold back” and before I got punched in the head for losing my concentration in my train of thought, I realised, that is exactly what I’m doing. I am holding back. In certain areas of my life and faith, I am holding back. I’m not stepping out in faith as I am supposed to do. I should not hold back. I should let go of everything and give it all to Him. I should have faith and stop doubting. I need not hold back. I need to let go of everything and give it all to him. I need to have faith and stop doubting. I need to be a tiger and hunt God.

Cute

My beautiful cat

My lil cousin

Rain. Today.

Today's weather pretty much sums up what many of my friends are feeling. i want to be able to give them the love and support and care that they have given me.
Today im at uni. i walked through the cold rain getting very wet and feeling very hungry, but with my last $ spent on photocopying and printing, i couldn't afford any lunch. still it felt nice walking in the rain. washes my troubles away.
Today i want to thank my friends, and most of all my God who has put them in my life. ive been going through a weird time recently, and i've had a lot of love and support and care from my friends. God spoke through some and told me exactly what i needed to hear while others were there to hear me and let me talk, so i got the best of both worlds in a sense. thank you to all who have put up with me. thank you for your phone calls and comfort and concern. may God bless you all today (and for the rest of your lives).

think i'll go home now, i am very hungry and cold.

Broken

I am totally embarassed and disgusted at myself, i wouldn't be surprised if God decided to reject me now, i haven't be running to him in my troubles and i have not spent much time with him. For one night and day i went back to my old self. i'd rather not go into details of what i did and why, but last night and today i was (and prob still am) very selfish and immature. I do not deserve God's mercy, grace or forgiveness. i have been making a big deal out of nothing to the extent that im crying and sobbing and wailing and even at one point screaming. even on my brother's 21st b'day party which was last night (though i didn't scream then). i got a blood nose after crying for a good few minutes so at least i could use that for an alibi for staying in the bathroom so long. got blood on the floor and pants though, am thinking maybe getting punched in the face wasnt such a good idea after all...

i'm back at uni now and won't be able to blog much. im a mess at the mo. i can't remember the last time i felt so angry and upset and sad that i would scream and cry etc. and yell at God. i really need him right now, i've been such a bad child God help me

Ring

Another one of my rings broke this week. actually the first one was bent out of shape cos it got caught on my top when i was giving someone a preview of my demo then the second one broke tonight.

This is my promise ring to God and i wear, or at least wore it on my wedding finger until it broke. it was actually fake but beautiful and i wouldnt mind a real ring like that.

tonight was real fun, marian and i baked muffins for special dads tomorrow and she baked a chocolate cake for me! one of the best chocoalte cakes ever, an old family receipe of hers. i had a lot of fun today. i enjoyed the demos and sparring. i felt special being the only blue sash girl there (all the others were guys and u had to be red brown or black, so actually i wasnt supposed to demo cos im not advanced enough, but they wanted a girl, meeee!) i'm also good friends with most of the guys there, kinda like my older brothers (who happen to like beating me up :p) so it was great seeing everyone together and even those who i hardly get to see. and few good friends came and supported me (thanks everyone! including my chauffuer!) even some who i didnt expect to come did. though most had trouble looking for the place, sorry guys! misleading directions!

Everybody is kung fu fighting!

I had my demo today! I was sooooooooo nervous and my heart was beating really fast, and it was my first time as well. Was praying lots lol. Thankfully it went well, i did stuff up but i guess u couldnt tell. I looked so cute and out of place too, being the only girl there. a small lil chinese girl with her hair in buns, surrounded by all these big guys :)
Right now im marian's house meant to be doing hw. we;re baking tonight, im excited!!!

charlie and the chocolate factory

just came back from seeing charlie and the chocolate factory. cute movie. willy wonka's cool. i feel a bit better now. i dont know why i should be sad about such a little thing anyway. its not confirmed that we're moving but im acting like we already have. the anticipation is killing me, but at least im prepared for it, so i think. ive said this before but i'll say it again, its God's will, i'll do whatever he wants, i'l go where he wants me to go, i'll accept whatever comes my way. it may be hard but for God, anything.

today i went for a walk at the beach. actually i just walked to the beach and hung around ther while the sun set. tried practising some kung fu but the sand made it hard and i kept falling over. not sure if im ready for the demo this saturday, need to practise. but yeah i just walked around in silence and peace, trying to avoid getting wet, singing a few worship songs here and there. i love the ocean. many poets have written poems about the sea or beach. it has many metaphors, it is unpredictable, it can calm you and take away negative feelings. you can yell anything at it and it will take it all.its the place i go to when im feeling troubled and wanna spend time with God, away from ppl and distractions. just me and God and his beautiful creation.

"I walk along a narrow ledge
of sandstone at the water’s edge,
and thought like water takes its own
shape in the hollows of the mind"

Littoral by Gwen Harwood, a poem i studied at school

Tears

Well the last two days i have been crying, which is the first time in a long time, cos lately i've been so happy with life and what God has given me, but i guess a rollercoaster has got to come down sometime. I guess what ive been crying about may not be such a big deal (oh great i've started again)... i could be moving again. to Mt pleasant, a long way off. the only advantage being the location cos its close to uni and mum's business. the disvantages? lots. i'm in love with the northern suburbs, its where my church, my friends (and work i guess) are. its where my life is, where my heart is. it's not confirmed yet, it all depends whether we sell our current house. which is absolutely beautiful and big and in a perfect location (to me that is). the other one we're lookin at is older and not as nice.
i've just been telling God it's whatever he wants, ill go along with it, ill do what he wants me to do, even though it still hurts, even though i wil cry a lot im still gonna accept what comes along. "Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD" job 1:21.
just as i felt i really belong here i might be moving again, we'll see how things go... its in your hands now God, and i shouldnt worry.
need to go to a friends place and lend them some christian cds, they are curious about it. then i need a walk and to spend some time with God.